The Reluctant Blogger

I'm blogging, and no one is more surprised about it than I am! After years (no really, years) of getting blog invitations from friends and family to read their blogs, being frustrated with trying to keep up with everyone, and growing to dislike the word "blog", I have finally started my own. Why? Well, for a couple of reasons. The first one is this: without my own blog site to remind me of the people whose blogs I want to read, frankly, I never read them. Apparently, some people take offense when I don't follow their blogs, because they think it means I don't care about them. Actually, it just means I'm lazy. =)

Lately, people have been expecting me to have read their blogs. I feel like I'm behind in conversations because I haven't read blogs. My social life is suffering because I have to be caught up verbally in the midst of discussions. It's like going to class without having read the assigned chapters. Fail.

Also, since moving away from my family and friends in Utah, I've discovered that some of them actually want to know what I'm doing and thinking from time to time. Go figure. I was sending a weekly email to them for a while. Then it became monthly. Now I don't remember the last time I sent one. Two weeks ago, I got an email that said, "I thought maybe you were dead. Hadn't heard from you in so long." That's the complete email. You know you're not communicating well when people think you have crossed over. I'm hoping having a blog will encourage me to write things down and send them to said people. Even if it only helps for just a month or two.

So, friends and neighbors, that's the long and short of it. I finally have a blog. If you want me to follow yours, now is the time to invite me. If you are like I used to be, and you never want to hear the word "blog" again, it's okay, I understand!

Falling

(Originally posted on Myspace 12/15/2008)

(From this post on=old stuff posted on other sites originally)

Feels like I'm on the edge,
but which way will I fall?
Last time you changed my everything.
You took my heart. You took it all.
The pieces drifted back to me slowly-
one by one.
Everything was different-
they weren't sure they were home.
And so I took the pieces and tried
to make them whole.
I thought I'd made them stronger;
I hoped that they would know
better than they did before
you came into my life.
I hoped they would be able
to separate the truth from lies.
And then I prayed my broken heart
had paid special attention
and would not let me repeat mistakes
I'd rather not mention.
But all these broken pieces want
is to be wherever you are-
to hold you close, to feel your touch,
to kiss away your every scar.
So if you want to be with me
there's not much I can do,
since all the pieces of my heart
only want to be with you.

Walking on Fire

(Originally posted on Myspace 7/23/08)

DISCLAIMER: Don't try this at home.

So Monday night, I walked on fire. Yes, I said fire. The prevailing questions seem to be: Really? When? Where? How? Why? Let me break it down for those of you who are asking.

REALLY? Yes. I really did. Three times. I realize this is shocking to those of you who know what a chicken I can be, but it really happened.

WHEN? Monday. Round about 10 p.m. The actually preparation started around 7 p.m.

WHERE? West Jordan, UT. I attended a firewalk hosted by my friend Lynell and directed by Trent from Quantum Step, Inc. If you have questions about that, go to www.firewalkutah.com.

HOW? Wow I just have to say that a week ago I disagreed, but it IS possible. The coals were about 1200* fahrenheit at their hottest and didn't get much cooler than 900. Yes, there are supposed to be that many zeros on those numbers! We've all been told all our lives it's impossible to touch fire without being burned, but I'm here to tell you that's an illusion. I walked on it, all my weight, three times--BAREFOOT-- and there is not one mark on me. It didn't hurt. In fact, it kinda felt like walking on packing peanuts or old marshmallows.

WHY? Because I needed to. I heard about the firewalk, and something in me said, "You HAVE to do that!!!!" and then I said, "Um, what?!" (Yes, I talk to myself. Don't deny you do it too.) I just knew it was something I needed to do.
I walked three times.
The first time was the most difficult. I spent the entire seminar trying to find what I was walking across fire for. As we walked out to the fire, I imagined all the people I love and all the people who love me on the other side: my Heavenly Father, Jesus, my parents, my siblings, my siblings-in-law, my nieces and nephews, my friends, my future children, my ancestors. And as I was imagining, all the people started to step to either side, and I saw me walking towards myself on the opposite side of the fire. I stopped and waited. And that was when I knew: I needed to walk on fire for myself. I needed to know I could. I needed to connect with myself on a higher level. I am capable of so much, but in the past I always denied or put myself down. I kept that visual in my head and in my heart. I was fully in the moment. 100% in myself. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest and out of my back, like it was swollen with expectations. I lifted my foot, and strode across the coals. There was no pain, no heat; there was only connection, joy, love, peace, and enthusiasm about life.
It's possible that some people will see this as insanity, but it was one of the purest, sanest, most perfect, empowering moments in my life. There was such clarity.

So, if you should ever have the opportunity to go to a firewalk (even just to watch), please at least consider; it's always your choice once you're there what to learn from it and whether or not to walk. It's your experience.
Know the possibilities, and always expect the best!

Namasté.

Not for the Weak of Heart (or Funny Bone)

(Originally posted on Myspace 7/3/2008)

Oh my lorna! I was packing to move and I just found a page of quotes from our old quote board at Whitopia! It's hysterical! I felt the need to share. If you're easily offended or at all wholesome, maybe you should not read this... Also if you're opposed to sacrilege, statements about sex, or anything else that starts with an "s", turn back now.
Oh, and these are all taken completely out of context... which if you ask me, makes them even better!



"You'll feel bein' pretty good by then!" -Ember (my sister, while visiting)


"I've never been in love, but I have stepped in it." -Rachel


"Thanks for worrying about my package." -Whitney B.


"Okay, I'm not a tap dancer, I'm a liar!" -Whitney H.


"She rubbed her butt all over my naked sack!" -Cord


"The most horrifying musical number EVER!" -Rachel


"What is a 'plan'?" -Rachel


"Hey, this is nasty, what's going on in the sink--I'll be honest." -Suzanne


"Oh my goodness, your mouth is huge, isn't it? You could fit five people in there! Now remember, I said five people, not five men..." -Dr. St. Pierre


"Chili Chicken Fartless..." -Suzanne


"All I hear is 'G-strings' and 'am I hurting your body?' 'No, only my chest'." -Jess, Rachel, and Liz (I'm pretty sure one of us said this after hearing a conversation between the other two...)


"That has to be a huge puke to be in you nose!" -Rachel


"Let's invite Dr. St. Pierre to our sad party! She'd be the life of it!" -anonymous...


"Nobody wants to kiss a guy with Rachel-hair." -Whitney B.


"It's asexual, like me." -Chelsea


"Ghetty Bootoe." -Suzanne


"Wasn't there a lion in the nativity?" -Dr. St. Pierre


"Hey, gym boy, how was the gym?" ... "...Tim?" -Whitney H. and Matt


"Do you care if I eat your food? Anybody can eat." -Suzanne


"It's like finding Jesus in your birthday cake!" -Dr. St. Pierre


"I wasn't sure if it was brass; I though maybe it was, like, metal!" -Whitney H. (referring to a Horn in F)


"It doesn't have the beautiful VIBRATIONS of the viola." -Dr. Stitt


"I dang sure am!" -Cord


"My butt is exit only, thank you!" -Rachel


"That's a nice body, Rachel. I'd pay about $800 for that body." -Dr. St. Pierre


"You could make fudgy fuddy frosting out of it!" -Rachel


"Ugly arm skin..." -Sophia (with accompanying dance)


"It wudn't." -Whitney B.


"Chair-you-bim." -Modesitt


"It smelled like... rotten cheese dust... uh huh huh... I'm serious!" -Rachel


"We'll bring some T.P. if we have to." -John Huston


"I'm not gonna give you five dollars for drinking some grease!" -Suzanne


"I would listen to some sex and then visit some boys!" -Rachel (paraphrasing Suzanne's Oregon story)


"I don't want to hear about your naked sack anymore!" ... "I'm sorry! It's HUGE!!!" -Suzanne and Cord


"It's okay, I didn't put my mouth on here." -Matt


"I would pay money for sex... Uh..." -Rachel


"Mmm... cheesy jamba chicken." -Whitney H.


"Sugar, water, and purple..." -J.P. quoting Dave Chapelle (all day, every day)


"Do big peaches make you laugh?" -Matt to Whitney H.


"I asked the prophet. I asked old Gordo." -J.P.


"You can tell me anything that bugs me about you." -Suzanne

I Think I Peed a Little

(Originally posted on Myspace 11/16/2007)

Okay so tonight I had the scare of my life! We were doing the Wizard of Oz and a set of stairs fell on one of my students while we were moving scenery...

Could I be more scared!? I freaked out and lifted the stairs off him by myself (and usually it takes three or four guys to move the staircase...)... I was sure he was going to be dead. Seeing him laying there and not moving was possibly the most frightening and sickening moment of my entire life. When he started to move, I was so relieved I almost hugged him.

He is okay and coherent and alive! Just some bumps and bruises. After we got him talking, I thought for sure he was going to have a broken arm and a serious concussion, but he is fine. And through all this, the audience had no idea it even happened, which to me is insanity in and of itself...

But in any case, this situations has lead me to be very grateful... I'm so blessed to have such great students and to do all the things we do in safety. I also am realizing that I am so very attached to my students. I mean, I knew I was, but I did not realize the extent... I worry about them a lot, and I love them and want them to be safe!!! Some people wonder why I worry so much, but frankly if a person in my position with my responsibilities didn't worry, bad things would happen.

I worry because I care. I worry because I have people's most precious possessions in my care for much of the day. I worry because my students are amazing people who deserve the best. I worry because I am coordinating forty billion people and things to work in tandem with each other effectively and safely... And really, can you blame me for caring?

WHY???!!!

(Originally posted on Myspace 11/1/2007)

Okay, can anyone tell me why the windshield wiper on the passenger side ALWAYS works better? I mean, why don't they just reverse the whole wiper mechanism? It doesn't matter what car I'm driving, I can ALWAYS see out the passenger side better than the driver's side! AARGGHH! You would think that car people would do something about that, but they don't.

And now that I have complained, can I just say that heated seats are the best thing that has EVER happened to the automotive industry?! I'm pretty much in love.

You're Getting What?!

(Originally posted on Myspace 1/21/2007)

So I had a funny day teaching my madrigal choir the other day... I was trying to get them to sit quietly long enough to explain why we sing the music we do, so I said, "Guys! I need to talk to you about something important for a minute, so please be quiet!"

Only some of them quieted down enough to hear one of the tenors (Tyler) say, "What? Are you getting married?"

I laughed and said, "No, I'm not getting married!" And someone else says, "What!? Your getting married?" And I say, "No! I'm not getting married!"

And a sophomore says, "If you got married, would you quit?"

And a soprano (who finally started listening) says, "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?"

"NO! I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED! Gosh, that's the last thing I need going around town!" You see, we live in a very small town, and rumors spread like wildfire.

And then the soprano says, "Oh... Are you dating someone?"

"No! What the heck? I just want to talk to you guys about the music!"

Who taught these kids how to listen? Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny. The only time they pay attention is when I make a total fool of myself. I've turned my hand into a puppet and told them that since it's the only one that listens, whenever I talk to it, they'll know they've driven me to insanity! It actually works... in high school! Weird... I just try to remember that I was where they are just five years ago... Even if this was never the answer to the "Where do you see yourself in five years?" question...