Sealed for Your Protection

Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 2/13/04)

I was in the ELC today when I was suddenly struck by the urgent need to use the restroom. I think this may have had something to do with the four glasses of water I drank at breakfast, but who really knows, it could be anything. As I rushed… err… walked calmly to the stall, I did my usual “pre-pee” examination of it.
No liquid on the seat… check!
No puddles on the floor… check!
No visible absorbent items aside from toilet paper… check!

Wait, what’s this? There is a sticker on the toilet paper dispenser that states, “sealed for your own protection”. Although I shudder to think where the sticker came from and how it ended up in the bathroom, it sends my imagination into a flurry to see this common sticker in such an uncommon place.

Now, you would expect to see it if you were opening an item of food or medicine or such things, but what if we could use this sticker in every day life?

If these stickers magically appeared when needed, it could save a lot of us from major distress.

What if there was a terrorist who went to the airport to board a flight, but as soon as he got throught one set of double doors, the airport was covered with “Sealed for your protection” stickers, so he couldn’t possibly get in or out of that little space between two sets of double doors?

Or say one day a toilet in the Library was going to explode. How fabulous would it be if a huge “Sealed for your protection” sticker appeared on the restroom door before it happened, sealing the door and saving hundreds upon thousands of books from rancid destruction and a plethora of SUU students from utter stench?

Or how about on the days when I wake up and I am ornery and prone to ripping people’s egos to shreds and saying things I’ll regret later, a lovely little sticker zips my lips shut and kindly says to every one, “SEALED FOR YOUR PROTECTION!!!”?