Monday, June 30, 2014

Pirates and Toasters


For those who requested it, the talk I gave in the Charles River Ward on 6/29/2014 is below. What I actually said may have strayed from this typed copy a bit, but the gist is the same. Also, please don't judge this copy too harshly; it was meant to be heard, not seen. =)

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Brothers and sisters, the topic I was asked to speak about today essentially boils down to one word: treasure. If you’re like me, maybe the first thing you picture when you hear the word treasure is a pirate with an eye patch, a parrot, and a map; and then maybe the next thing you picture is Uncle Scrooge taking his daily money bath, diving in and then leaping like a dolphin through the coins. Well, that’s just one kind of treasure. God has given us treasure in many forms. He has given some of us money, yes; but He has also given us time, talents, and even the ability to direct our thoughts. Today I would like to talk about some specific ways to prioritize in our lives and some practical ways to determine where our focus is.

In Matthew 6:19-21 and 3 Nephi 13:19-21, The Savior taught the following to the Jews and to the Nephites:
“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

In the November 1991 Ensign, Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “We cannot achieve lasting happiness by pursuing the wrong things. …’You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need won’t satisfy you.’”

In the October 2012 General Conference, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:
“Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence.” (close quote)

I think it’s very difficult for us to comprehend how important we are to our Heavenly Father; however, we can occasionally glimpse His vast love for us during our very human experience on this earth. I feel His love for us when I learn something new about myself; when I hold a newborn baby or teach a child something new and see that sparkle of intelligence growing inside of them; when I find a new friend; when I write a new song; and sometimes at very unexpected moments.

Four years ago, I was working as a nanny in Washington, D.C. The child I cared for was 5 weeks old when I started watching her, and her parents were both doctors completing their residency. As such, my schedule was very irregular, and there were a lot of naps taken by all in the household. On one such occasion after I had been up with a sick baby for many hours while her parents were on call, the mother of the family, Bridget, came home and took the baby for a nap. I decided to nap also. Just as I was drifting off to sleep in my bedroom in the basement, I heard a loud screech of tires and a huge “thunk”. I thought I was dreaming, as I heard Bridget call my name and run down the hallway upstairs. As I heard the screen door slam, though, I realized I was not asleep and something was amiss. I ran up the stairs and out the front door to find that a woman driving down our street had hit a 10-year-old boy when he had decided to test out his new scooter by racing it down his driveway and into the street. To relieve any concern right now, I will tell you that the boy had only a broken arm, which surprised us all, especially considering the way his scooter was inextricably wrapped around her car’s front right tire. As I arrived on the scene, Bridget was administering first aid and had already called an ambulance. I approached the woman who had been driving the car, who also happened to be holding the baby, since she had been the closest person when Bridget had needed to examine the boy and keep others from moving him. The woman was visibly upset, and I think the only thing keeping her calm was the fact that she was holding a baby, so she knew she couldn’t lose it. By this time, many of the neighbors had come out of their houses and were staring at her accusingly, asking her questions and only making things worse. Although the woman answered their question--she was only going 20 mph; she lived in the neighborhood and had kids of her own, so she always drove slowly; he had come out of nowhere—she was focused on the boy and obviously worried. In that moment, I felt a strong surge of love for this woman. It was completely overwhelming. I felt very strongly that she was a daughter of God, that He loved her very much, and that she needed some support in that moment. I pointed out to the woman that the boy was responsive, he had a doctor caring for him, and that everything was going to be okay. I gave her a hug and stayed with her until she was allowed to leave the scene. That moment is something I will never forget, because it was a time that Heavenly Father showed me how much He cares for His children, even when others don’t understand why, and that He loves us no matter what. We truly are His treasure.

In the most recent general conference, Elder Michael Teh of the Seventy said, “In times of calamity or tragedy, the Lord has a way of refocusing us and our priorities. All of a sudden, all the material things we worked so hard to acquire do not matter. All that matters is our family and our relationships with others.” (close quote)

This experience reiterated to me something that my parents taught me about prioritizing. They said, “Remember how we prioritize the 3 Ps: First people, then principles, and THEN programs.” My siblings and I were taught to always consider the feelings of others when choosing what to say and do. Although this left us open to the pain of disappointment or frustration when others did not return the favor, I have found it’s a way to connect more deeply with others and understand their desires and motivations.

In the October 2006 General Conference, Elder M. Russell Ballard said:
“…focus on people and principles—not on programs. One of the most important things we do through the gospel of Jesus Christ is to build people... Frankly, it’s much easier to just manage programs than it is to understand and truly serve people… Our goal should always be to use the programs of the Church as a means to lift, encourage, assist, teach, love, and perfect people [emphasis added]. “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10). Programs are tools. Their management and staffing must not take priority over the needs of the people they are designed to bless and to serve.”

In the April 1986 General Conference, Glenn L. Pace, 2nd counselor in the Presiding Bishopric said:
“As great as the various programs of the Church are, they carry with them a potential danger. If we are not careful, it is possible to get so wrapped up in the plan that we forget the principles. We can fall into the trap of mistaking traditions for principles and confusing programs with their objectives… Programs blindly followed bring us to a discipline of doing good, but principles properly understood and practiced bring us to a disposition to do good.” (close quote)

As we learn to see those around us as children of God rather than parts of a program we happen to be in together, we will gain better perspective and begin to see that while each of us has his or her own path, we are all travelers together.

It absolutely floors me to think of the vast amount of experience there is in this room. Every single person in this room has a story. More than one.  Stories of joy and triumph, yes. And stories of trials you’ve overcome. Stories of heartbreak and tragedy. Whether it’s a failed relationship, a lost loved one, a missed career opportunity, or unmet expectations and unfulfilled hopes. If you’re like me, you may have found yourself focusing your thoughts, time, and talents into these past events far too often for far too long. It’s reasonable to take time to heal. Believe me, I’ve written my fair share of break up songs! But if you find this process carrying on beyond what is necessary, it’s time to change your priorities. Part of the beauty of this life is that we have a choice. It’s time to redirect your resources towards other efforts. Sometimes we get so bogged down in what we don’t have, we end up perpetuating the cycle.

So, as an example of this, one time when I was a freshman in high school, about 14, I came home from basketball practice absolutely famished. It was a long, rough practice, so I was hungry and angry. I was hangry, as we now call it. I decided to make some toast because it was quick and easy. I got out some bread, threw it in the toaster, and pushed the lever down. And it bounced back up. And I pushed it down. And it bounced back up. And I pushed it down. And it bounced back up. And we carried on like this for quite some time, but eventually I started to get pretty upset, so of course, like I’m sure most of us have done, I was like, “MOOOMMMM, this stupid ancient toaster is BROKEN!!!”  So my mom came in like, “Stop screaming, I’m right here,” walked over, pushed the lever down, and it popped back up. I was of course, like, “Obviously I tried that!” And she just ignored my sass, leaned over, plugged the toaster in, pushed the lever down, and walked away. And I was all like, “Oh.”

So the point here is that sometimes we want something really badly, and it’s even a righteous desire, and we may even have an idea of how to get what we want. But maybe we don’t have the perspective to do it on our own, or maybe we’re missing a fundamental step because we are focusing on something that, while essential and good, comes later down the line than the step we skipped. We are looking beyond the mark. Right? One of the first steps of using most kitchen appliances is to make sure the appliance is plugged in first, isn’t it? But sometimes we skip those steps because we take them for granted.

Steps that are generally essential for any process are:

11.     Devote thought to making a plan.
22.     Set your goal.
33.     Set smaller objectives to help you accomplish your goal. Make sure you’re not missing any necessary steps.
44.     Set aside time to accomplish your goal. This means taking time daily or weekly to work towards your goal.
55.     Consult others.

So let’s apply this to a few real life situations. Let’s say you want to run a marathon (more realistic for some of us than others). First you devote your thoughts to it to decide it’s what you want to do. Make sure it’s something you actually want. A marathon is a big commitment, and you shouldn’t just jump into it. Second, set your goal. Determine a reasonable timeline for your goal, and build in some flexibility in case you need more or less time. Third, set smaller objectives to help you accomplish your goal. You can’t just jump in and run a marathon. You’d likely die. You may want to start with smaller races and build your way up slowly. Fourth, dedicate the necessary time to accomplish your plan. Be aware that the amount of time you’re willing to dedicate to your goal may directly influence how long it takes to accomplish your goal. Fifth, consult others. People who have run marathons already and close family and friends can offer support, advice, and encouragement. As always, consulting with the Lord through prayer is very helpful.

Now let’s bring this approach a little closer to home and take on the wonderful world of relationships. (I know you’re all really excited that I’m throwing this in at the end of my talk.) I often hear people speak of “someday” when we discuss relationships and marriage in the singles wards. Sometimes I’m the person saying it. From time to time during my singles ward experience, I’ve heard people complain that they’re not in a relationship or married, sometimes as a thinly veiled joke, sometimes very seriously. I know for many of us, it is something that we think about often. Many of us have a desire to have a family. It’s a righteous, healthy, great desire! So let’s make sure we are covering all the steps to get there.

11.     Let’s devote some thought to making a plan. Do you want to have a family? If you said no, you can ignore me for the next few minutes. If you said yes, let’s make a plan.
22.     Set your goal: the goal is to get married and have a family. Awesome.
33.     Let’s set some smaller objectives along the way to make our task less daunting. Let’s say the plan is to meet people, ask them out on dates, and repeat those steps as necessary until you find someone who mutually agrees to date you exclusively. Perhaps you’ll get engaged. That may or may not work out. These steps are not guaranteed to work the first, second, third, fiftieth, or hundredth time. Which leads me to step four.
44.     Set aside time to accomplish your goal: this could take a while, but it will take even longer if you’re not going on dates at all or not making time in your schedule for dating. Set aside the necessary time and BE PATIENT with yourself, others, and the Lord. Like marathon training, you may need to take brief breaks from time to time, but always get back in the race.
55.     Consult others: have open and honest communication. If you are on a date, call it a date. It’s not the end of the world, nor is it a lifetime commitment. Texting and emailing are convenient and fun, but it’s okay to call people on the phone sometimes, too. (that’s really hard for me to say because I am not a phone person, but there I said it.) And as I’m sure you’re already doing, consult with the Lord about the things near and dear to your heart.

Running a marathon and pursuing marriage and family are just two examples, but really these steps could apply to any goal in our lives, whether spiritual or temporal. In closing, I challenge you all to take stock of what matters most to you, and then set your priorities and goals. Reevaluate and make sure you’re not missing any steps. That toaster is not going to plug itself in. In our world of endless opportunities, it has never been more important than it is now to recognize and pursue what we really want most using all the treasure at our disposal. It may be time to check in with yourself to see where you stand, and if that is where you want to be.

After all, Elder Russell M. Ballard said, “May we focus on the simple ways we can serve in the kingdom of God, always striving to change lives, including our own.”

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