Nothing Rhymes with Rachel

Hallelujah

2012-02-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

Here's another: Hallelujah.

I Will Not Be Still

2012-02-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

I sang this song in church on January 22nd. I normally have my dad accompany me for this on, so it was a bit surreal.

Time After Time

2012-01-29T01:21:00.000-08:00

New video! Time After Time.

2012-01-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

Here is this week's video!

I recorded it with my parents!

Mary, Did You Know?

2011-12-18T18:16:00.000-08:00

More Christmas music here!

Breath of Heaven

2011-12-14T19:53:00.001-08:00

One of my friends requested "Breath of Heaven", so here it is!

What Child Is This?

2011-12-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas! You can find "What Child Is This?" here!

Walk the Line

2011-12-04T20:23:00.001-08:00

A classic, for sure; gotta love Johnny Cash! Here it is.

How Much It Hurts

2011-11-26T19:48:00.000-08:00

Click here to watch this week's video, my rendition of "How Much It Hurts" by Just off Turner.

Double Whammy!

2011-11-21T11:00:00.001-08:00

Two videos today, in honor of my sister and brother-in-law's anniversary. One song for each of them! I hope you all enjoy them!

Sweet Child of Mine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRTlDkSXzUk

Dream a Little Dream of Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k78dFMNdnUg

Use Somebody

2011-11-13T18:41:00.000-08:00

Hello, friends! Here is this week's video. This was a request from a former student. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK8xlXXiKlc

Give Me Jesus

2011-11-06T18:19:00.000-08:00

This video is for my dad on his birthday. Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sXAVnNJv_Rk

Give Me One Reason

2011-11-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

This week the video is a Tracy Chapman cover. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G703Qfghp6E&feature=related

For All the Soldiers

2011-10-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

This video is a Happy Halloween wish to all the men and women in the Armed Forces. Be safe! You're missed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLnnjzxPXR8

(Starting to get caught up!)

I Will Survive

2011-10-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

I know, I know! I'm way behind! Here we go, catching up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umEFv_FBkyU

I think everybody loves this song, so I hope you enjoy my rendition.

Say Goodbye

2011-10-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

This week I recorded a song that I wrote. I hope you all enjoy it! <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ5XnQZfx6Y

Mash Up!

2011-10-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

This week's video is special. I mashed up two songs for you! Hope you like it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNpDHNQI1zw

New Goal

2011-09-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

So, I've set a new goal of recording a new video of me singing and playing guitar each week until the end of the year. One video per week... Let's see how it goes!

The first video is dedicated to my family; it's a song called "Downpour" written by Brandi Carlile. I hope you all enjoy it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hXVfhxSdKk

You're more than welcome to subscribe!

Forget You

2011-06-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Felt like recording a video. =)

Here it is!

2011-03-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that it is a balmy seventy-eight degrees outside right now, the sun is shining, and I want to get out of this office!

In other news, I moved to Bethesda, MD from Kensington. I can't get too used to it, though. Gonna move to Rockville in a few months. My current landlord is insane! There will probably be more to follow about that soon.

I'm excited to say that I get to go home to Utah at the end of May to be the MOH at the wedding of a dear friend. Can't wait! It will also be my Mom's birthday, so that will be nice, as well.

Sorry this post is so random, but I'm insanely excited about spring, and today is SCREAMING spring! =)

Delish.

2011-03-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

"You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need won't satisfy you."
— Dallin H. Oaks

There's a little nugget to chew on.

A Little Snark

2011-03-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

My boss's quote of the week she emailed to us: "Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers."

My response: "Oh, is that where all the men are?" Bwahahaha! I think I'm so funny. :0p

In other news, I started a new, very specialized blog. It can be found at http://www.dcdrivingblog.com/

I'll still blog here, of course. Hopefully a little more often, actually. =)

Asking for It

2011-01-31T13:22:00.000-08:00

I purposely waited to post this until my parents were safely in Israel, because I didn't want my mom to worry. Everything is fine now, and there is nothing she could have done to help from Utah, so I didn't want to stress her out! So, since my parents are now happily in Capernaum on vacation, I can post it. =)

Oh, what an adventure Wednesday was! It started snowing during my work day, and it snowed and snowed and snowed. At about 4:30, my boss called and told me to leave early since all my work was done. I wrapped up what I was doing and pulled my car out of the parking garage at 4:45. I couldn't even turn out of the garage in the direction I would normally go because traffic was apparently backed up from the main roads for MILES. I took a completely different route home. At one point the guy in front of me got cut off (because DCers + snow= stupidity x 2), and since he had just cut me off (though not nearly as badly) I ended up rear-ending him. Luckily it was only a love tap (if your into the whole tough-love thing), and the only real consequence was actually positive: it knocked all the snow off both our cars.

After two hours of driving, I was nearly home and at a dead stop. My housemate called me to tell me a different route home, and I took it. Unfortunately, snow covered the road signs, and I ended up turning one road too soon. When I ended up in someone's driveway, I figured something was wrong! As I was turning around, my car died. It works now, but long story short, it would not work then. The people who lived there were very nice and helped me push it into their driveway. They also let me leave it there until the road was cleared out and it was running, which was INCREDIBLY kind!

Sooo, I started walking out to a main road, where my housemates came and picked me up. They were armed with shovels to dig me out, but since the car wasn't starting and was in a safe place, we decided to leave it there for a while.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and the lights started flickering for an extended period of time. Turns out a transformer just outside the store was blowing out:

This picture was taken long after the sun had set. That is just how bright the blowout was. Crazy, eh? After that, the power was out at the store (luckily they had generators) and our house, which is about a block away from the store. We had a fun roommate night with the power out. We ate and played games and made hot chocolate. It was pretty fun!

The next morning, we got my car started, but couldn't get it out of the snow in the neighborhood we had left it in. The residents were once again very helpful!

After that, my roommate Katy drove me to work. It was kind of crazy. There were trees and branches down everywhere, and people had just left their cars in the middle of the road when they got stuck or frustrated. Seriously, DCers? At least get to a side lane! It was madness.

After work, I metroed up near my house, and my housemate Mike picked me up and took me to my car, which we finally got home. There was much rejoicing!

We were without power until Saturday morning. Friday night, we could see our breath in our house, so the three of us that were home packed up some things and stayed at the home of the Ladies of Dorchester. Thanks, Ladies!

All in all, it was a crazy weekend. It's supposed to sleet tonight. I don't even want to think about it! I'm also a little afraid I brought this on myself by making this picture my facebook profile pic:

This is from last year's February Snowmageddon. THAT was madness. =)

Backblogging

2011-01-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to catch up on my blogging over the last 14 months, so if you see random posts for different dates, that is why. I will also try to simultaneously blog about more current things in my life. I know I've been a slacker in this department, but you can't say I didn't give fair warning: I struggle with the blogging!

A Sonnet: What Is This Heart?

2010-02-16T05:56:00.000-08:00

A mansion where each person has a room
Whose foot hath threshold crossed and heart found home,
Where surely love's pure flower slow doth bloom
And waits for those who blithely now do roam.
For each will take his turn to fly away,
And many who have gone will not return.
But while, in other hearts, the feelings fade,
Here love is freely given and not earned.
Though many who have entered here have scoffed
And left their suite abandoned to the dust,
The mansion's keeper visits each room oft
And tends the fire there, because she must.
So if you enter in, please do your part,
For you will change forever this: my heart.

A Christmas Carol

2009-12-05T16:17:00.000-08:00

For our ward Christmas party 2009, our bishopric arranged to take us all to A Christmas Carol at Ford's Theater (where President Lincoln was assassinated, for you history dunces). We all got together at the church and had a ward dinner. It was delicious. Then those who had signed up to go and helped purchase tickets walked to the metro and metroed down to Ford's theater.

This is a small group of the people that went (L to R): Susan, Molly Carl, me, Sally, Sarah, Adam and Merry.

Before the show, we got to look through the museum in the basement of the theater. It was really nice! I got a book about the theater, which I still have not read (despite the fact that I'm writing this over a year later... Don't judge). This is me with Abe.
Umm... Most people would consider my picking the nose of an iron cast of the president's death mask to be inappropriate, but if you know me, it's probably not too shocking.
Some men... Jeez.

The show was AMAZING! I absolutely loved it. It's rare that I so thoroughly enjoy myself at a theater performance. I usually spend too much time thinking about the logistics and how it could have been done better, but this show was impeccable! Wow!

Thanksgiving 2009

2009-11-27T15:40:00.000-08:00

So, Thanksgiving 2009 was spent in D.C. at the apartment of Adam, Carl and Steve. We fried turkeys. In the apartment. In a deep fryer. IN THE APARTMENT. Just thought I'd make that part clear. In this second picture, if you look closely, you will see that Carl is behind Steve, using him as a human shield against the oil while shielding Steve from the oil with the lid. At one point, I was recruited to the team. Luckily there is no evidence of this, so Mom can't kill me. =)
Super Steve supervises Myles in the carving of the turkey as I look on in amazement. Yay for great friends!
We all wanted to nap after we ate, but frankly, Laura slept enough for all of us. She slept through at least three hours of Rockband being played right next to her, and Ciara is not a quiet singer. Bless her heart. (Says the kettle.)
This was our pie collection. My stomach expands just thinking about it.
Rockband! We had SO much fun. Laura enjoyed as well, when she finally woke up. It must have been some sort of power nap, because she broke the drumset!
Carl kindly held up the broken portion of drums while we finished the song. =)

All around, a success! Thanksgiving 2009 was so much fun!

November Trip Home

2009-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

November 2009 called for a quick trip home to visit. I had a few days off in a row, so I hopped on a plane and flew in. I got a rental car and drove straight to a friend's wedding. It was a lovely wedding! Then I went to my sister Ember's house for a visit. I stayed a few nights and got to visit with family for a few days. It was a fun short trip for a weekend!

Plus, Ember and I got matching pajamas! Reminds me of the good ol' days. =)

Philly

2009-11-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

Your Rachelized Tour of Philadelphia

November 7, 2009 (with Adam, Merry, Myles, Sarah and Teresa)

I had the chance to go to Philly with some friends in November. We had all sorts of fun running around for a day. It was great! I hadn’t been there since my “8^th Grade Trip” (as we Deltans like to call it). It was interesting to think about what I remembered and what different things stood out to me then and now.

The first place we visited was the Liberty Bell.

It’s housed in a museum dedicated solely to explaining the significance of the bell. The bell itself is surrounded by window almost three quarters of the way around, so you can also see it from the outside; however, if you want to see the infamous crack, you have to go inside. =)

We also went to Independence Hall, which is where the Declaration of Independence was signed. We didn’t make it there in time to get tickets inside, but it is one of the things I remembered from the summer of ’98. I remember thinking it was such an awesome place, and recognizing that I could feel the spirit there.

We went to the Old City Hall, where the U.S. Supreme Court met between 1791 and 1800. It was pretty nifty. I know the first pic is interesting, but I like it anyway. Make sure to read the sign in the last one. Kinda pointless... =)

We went to the Philosophical Hall, where there was a display of Darwin’s books. We tried to be intellectual, but mostly I think we were just a nuisance!

This is a pretty cool statue called "The Signer". =)

There is a lot of Ben Franklin history in Philly. We went to the Ben Franklin Underground Museum (named so because it is all underground… trippy!). My favorite part of that museum (and the main reason we went there) was because they had a demonstration of the armonica, which is a pretty cool instrument good ol’ Ben invented back in the day when playing water glasses was a key form of entertainment. These days you hear this instrument in the Harry Potter soundtrack.

This museum also wins the award for the most pointless exhibit. We never really figured out what it was all about, and most of it didn’t work…

This is a picture of me walking through the same passage Ben Franklin walked through to get to and from his home. Let’s just say I was slightly more enthused about this than my friends! I like the idea of walking where other awesome people have walked. =)

We went to Christ Church (if you don’t know what that is, here is the website.). We were all pretty tired at that point, but we were trying hard to stay focused. I maybe kinda fell asleep…

Benjamin Franklin’s grave is at the burial grounds at Christ Church.

Ooo… Elfreth’s Alley was also pretty cool. Lots of little houses were crammed in there. It reminded me very much of the U.K.. We were lucky enough to be there just when the 2^nd Annual Philadelphia Tweed Ride came through. It was fantastic! Also, I saw a window-box with peppers in it instead of flowers, which I loved.

We saw The Hulk on the street and then got some yummy desserts at the tiniest little walk-up bakery EVER!

Then we got back in the cars and drove over to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, which is home to the steps from “Rocky”. We took some pictures at the statue in the middle of the roundabout, which was an interesting statue. Then we got pictures with the Rocky statue, us running up the stairs and our feet by his feet.

After that we headed over to Geno’s to finish the day right with some Philly Cheesesteak. I have to say that I was kind of scared, having had a bad cheesesteak experience in my childhood, but I liked it. Plus, I got a free pen for “having to buy my own sandwich.” Apparently a girl like me should have had a date to buy one for her on a Saturday night. Go figure. =)

All in all, it was a great day! Thanks to Merry for supplying most of the picture, and to Myles for driving when I was too tired. Thanks to Teresa for finding me a bathroom on the way there =), and to Adam, Merry and Sarah for supplying my car with *ahem* such awesome music...

Halloweekend

2009-11-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

I had a fun Halloween weekend this year. On Friday (Oct. 30th), my ward had their annual Halloween Barn Dance. It was well attended, and a lot of the costumes were awesome!

My costume was a modest Jessica Rabbit (from Who Framed Roger Rabbit).

This pic is of me, Molly, Merry, and Myles at the barn dance.

On Halloween, a group of us went into DC to go Trick or Treating at the Embassies. I got ready at the metro. Luckily, Merry was kind enough to hold the mirror for me. Adam held my purse with the make-up (a manly job for a ninja) and took pictures with Merry's camera.

Not really sure why this pic was necessary. I only have so many hands, I was standing, and I needed somewhere to put the lipstick.

Adam, Sarah, Merry (kind of) and I at Dupont Circle, waiting to Trick or Treat.

The crew at the Cosmos club, where we got some candy. Autumn, Adam, Cosmos Club guy, Jane, Molly, Merry, Heidi, Sarah and I.

A lot of the embassies didn't participate this year, but we had fun anyway!

Later that night a group of us went to a "haunted" corn maze at Field of Screams in Olney, MD. One guy with a chainsaw does not constitute "haunted", in my opinion.

.... but I'll admit, I screamed a little.

Later that night we all crashed out after watching Corpse Bride.
But we all popped up the instant we heard the words "chocolate cake"...

Even though Trick or Treating and the corn maze weren't as great as we had hoped they would be, we had fun! It's all about the people you're with, and I was with some awesome people! Not everyone that was there is in the pics on here, but you know who you are (Rob, Carl, Mazel). Thanks to great friends for a great weekend!

The Reluctant Blogger

2009-10-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging, and no one is more surprised about it than I am! After years (no really, years) of getting blog invitations from friends and family to read their blogs, being frustrated with trying to keep up with everyone, and growing to dislike the word "blog", I have finally started my own. Why? Well, for a couple of reasons. The first one is this: without my own blog site to remind me of the people whose blogs I want to read, frankly, I never read them. Apparently, some people take offense when I don't follow their blogs, because they think it means I don't care about them. Actually, it just means I'm lazy. =)

Lately, people have been expecting me to have read their blogs. I feel like I'm behind in conversations because I haven't read blogs. My social life is suffering because I have to be caught up verbally in the midst of discussions. It's like going to class without having read the assigned chapters. Fail.

Also, since moving away from my family and friends in Utah, I've discovered that some of them actually want to know what I'm doing and thinking from time to time. Go figure. I was sending a weekly email to them for a while. Then it became monthly. Now I don't remember the last time I sent one. Two weeks ago, I got an email that said, "I thought maybe you were dead. Hadn't heard from you in so long." That's the complete email. You know you're not communicating well when people think you have crossed over. I'm hoping having a blog will encourage me to write things down and send them to said people. Even if it only helps for just a month or two.

So, friends and neighbors, that's the long and short of it. I finally have a blog. If you want me to follow yours, now is the time to invite me. If you are like I used to be, and you never want to hear the word "blog" again, it's okay, I understand!

Falling

2008-12-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 12/15/2008)

(From this post on=old stuff posted on other sites originally)

Feels like I'm on the edge,
but which way will I fall?
Last time you changed my everything.
You took my heart. You took it all.
The pieces drifted back to me slowly-
one by one.
Everything was different-
they weren't sure they were home.
And so I took the pieces and tried
to make them whole.
I thought I'd made them stronger;
I hoped that they would know
better than they did before
you came into my life.
I hoped they would be able
to separate the truth from lies.
And then I prayed my broken heart
had paid special attention
and would not let me repeat mistakes
I'd rather not mention.
But all these broken pieces want
is to be wherever you are-
to hold you close, to feel your touch,
to kiss away your every scar.
So if you want to be with me
there's not much I can do,
since all the pieces of my heart
only want to be with you.

Walking on Fire

2008-07-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 7/23/08)

DISCLAIMER: Don't try this at home.

So Monday night, I walked on fire. Yes, I said fire. The prevailing questions seem to be: Really? When? Where? How? Why? Let me break it down for those of you who are asking.

REALLY? Yes. I really did. Three times. I realize this is shocking to those of you who know what a chicken I can be, but it really happened.

WHEN? Monday. Round about 10 p.m. The actually preparation started around 7 p.m.

WHERE? West Jordan, UT. I attended a firewalk hosted by my friend Lynell and directed by Trent from Quantum Step, Inc. If you have questions about that, go to www.firewalkutah.com.

HOW? Wow I just have to say that a week ago I disagreed, but it IS possible. The coals were about 1200* fahrenheit at their hottest and didn't get much cooler than 900. Yes, there are supposed to be that many zeros on those numbers! We've all been told all our lives it's impossible to touch fire without being burned, but I'm here to tell you that's an illusion. I walked on it, all my weight, three times--BAREFOOT-- and there is not one mark on me. It didn't hurt. In fact, it kinda felt like walking on packing peanuts or old marshmallows.

WHY? Because I needed to. I heard about the firewalk, and something in me said, "You HAVE to do that!!!!" and then I said, "Um, what?!" (Yes, I talk to myself. Don't deny you do it too.) I just knew it was something I needed to do.
I walked three times.
The first time was the most difficult. I spent the entire seminar trying to find what I was walking across fire for. As we walked out to the fire, I imagined all the people I love and all the people who love me on the other side: my Heavenly Father, Jesus, my parents, my siblings, my siblings-in-law, my nieces and nephews, my friends, my future children, my ancestors. And as I was imagining, all the people started to step to either side, and I saw me walking towards myself on the opposite side of the fire. I stopped and waited. And that was when I knew: I needed to walk on fire for myself. I needed to know I could. I needed to connect with myself on a higher level. I am capable of so much, but in the past I always denied or put myself down. I kept that visual in my head and in my heart. I was fully in the moment. 100% in myself. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest and out of my back, like it was swollen with expectations. I lifted my foot, and strode across the coals. There was no pain, no heat; there was only connection, joy, love, peace, and enthusiasm about life.
It's possible that some people will see this as insanity, but it was one of the purest, sanest, most perfect, empowering moments in my life. There was such clarity.

So, if you should ever have the opportunity to go to a firewalk (even just to watch), please at least consider; it's always your choice once you're there what to learn from it and whether or not to walk. It's your experience.
Know the possibilities, and always expect the best!

Namasté.

Not for the Weak of Heart (or Funny Bone)

2008-07-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 7/3/2008)

Oh my lorna! I was packing to move and I just found a page of quotes from our old quote board at Whitopia! It's hysterical! I felt the need to share. If you're easily offended or at all wholesome, maybe you should not read this... Also if you're opposed to sacrilege, statements about sex, or anything else that starts with an "s", turn back now.
Oh, and these are all taken completely out of context... which if you ask me, makes them even better!

"You'll feel bein' pretty good by then!" -Ember (my sister, while visiting)

"I've never been in love, but I have stepped in it." -Rachel

"Thanks for worrying about my package." -Whitney B.

"Okay, I'm not a tap dancer, I'm a liar!" -Whitney H.

"She rubbed her butt all over my naked sack!" -Cord

"The most horrifying musical number EVER!" -Rachel

"What is a 'plan'?" -Rachel

"Hey, this is nasty, what's going on in the sink--I'll be honest." -Suzanne

"Oh my goodness, your mouth is huge, isn't it? You could fit five people in there! Now remember, I said five people, not five men..." -Dr. St. Pierre

"Chili Chicken Fartless..." -Suzanne

"All I hear is 'G-strings' and 'am I hurting your body?' 'No, only my chest'." -Jess, Rachel, and Liz (I'm pretty sure one of us said this after hearing a conversation between the other two...)

"That has to be a huge puke to be in you nose!" -Rachel

"Let's invite Dr. St. Pierre to our sad party! She'd be the life of it!" -anonymous...

"Nobody wants to kiss a guy with Rachel-hair." -Whitney B.

"It's asexual, like me." -Chelsea

"Ghetty Bootoe." -Suzanne

"Wasn't there a lion in the nativity?" -Dr. St. Pierre

"Hey, gym boy, how was the gym?" ... "...Tim?" -Whitney H. and Matt

"Do you care if I eat your food? Anybody can eat." -Suzanne

"It's like finding Jesus in your birthday cake!" -Dr. St. Pierre

"I wasn't sure if it was brass; I though maybe it was, like, metal!" -Whitney H. (referring to a Horn in F)

"It doesn't have the beautiful VIBRATIONS of the viola." -Dr. Stitt

"I dang sure am!" -Cord

"My butt is exit only, thank you!" -Rachel

"That's a nice body, Rachel. I'd pay about $800 for that body." -Dr. St. Pierre

"You could make fudgy fuddy frosting out of it!" -Rachel

"Ugly arm skin..." -Sophia (with accompanying dance)

"It wudn't." -Whitney B.

"Chair-you-bim." -Modesitt

"It smelled like... rotten cheese dust... uh huh huh... I'm serious!" -Rachel

"We'll bring some T.P. if we have to." -John Huston

"I'm not gonna give you five dollars for drinking some grease!" -Suzanne

"I would listen to some sex and then visit some boys!" -Rachel (paraphrasing Suzanne's Oregon story)

"I don't want to hear about your naked sack anymore!" ... "I'm sorry! It's HUGE!!!" -Suzanne and Cord

"It's okay, I didn't put my mouth on here." -Matt

"I would pay money for sex... Uh..." -Rachel

"Mmm... cheesy jamba chicken." -Whitney H.

"Sugar, water, and purple..." -J.P. quoting Dave Chapelle (all day, every day)

"Do big peaches make you laugh?" -Matt to Whitney H.

"I asked the prophet. I asked old Gordo." -J.P.

"You can tell me anything that bugs me about you." -Suzanne

I Think I Peed a Little

2007-11-16T09:52:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 11/16/2007)

Okay so tonight I had the scare of my life! We were doing the Wizard of Oz and a set of stairs fell on one of my students while we were moving scenery...

Could I be more scared!? I freaked out and lifted the stairs off him by myself (and usually it takes three or four guys to move the staircase...)... I was sure he was going to be dead. Seeing him laying there and not moving was possibly the most frightening and sickening moment of my entire life. When he started to move, I was so relieved I almost hugged him.

He is okay and coherent and alive! Just some bumps and bruises. After we got him talking, I thought for sure he was going to have a broken arm and a serious concussion, but he is fine. And through all this, the audience had no idea it even happened, which to me is insanity in and of itself...

But in any case, this situations has lead me to be very grateful... I'm so blessed to have such great students and to do all the things we do in safety. I also am realizing that I am so very attached to my students. I mean, I knew I was, but I did not realize the extent... I worry about them a lot, and I love them and want them to be safe!!! Some people wonder why I worry so much, but frankly if a person in my position with my responsibilities didn't worry, bad things would happen.

I worry because I care. I worry because I have people's most precious possessions in my care for much of the day. I worry because my students are amazing people who deserve the best. I worry because I am coordinating forty billion people and things to work in tandem with each other effectively and safely... And really, can you blame me for caring?

WHY???!!!

2007-11-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 11/1/2007)

Okay, can anyone tell me why the windshield wiper on the passenger side ALWAYS works better? I mean, why don't they just reverse the whole wiper mechanism? It doesn't matter what car I'm driving, I can ALWAYS see out the passenger side better than the driver's side! AARGGHH! You would think that car people would do something about that, but they don't.

And now that I have complained, can I just say that heated seats are the best thing that has EVER happened to the automotive industry?! I'm pretty much in love.

You're Getting What?!

2007-01-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 1/21/2007)

So I had a funny day teaching my madrigal choir the other day... I was trying to get them to sit quietly long enough to explain why we sing the music we do, so I said, "Guys! I need to talk to you about something important for a minute, so please be quiet!"

Only some of them quieted down enough to hear one of the tenors (Tyler) say, "What? Are you getting married?"

I laughed and said, "No, I'm not getting married!" And someone else says, "What!? Your getting married?" And I say, "No! I'm not getting married!"

And a sophomore says, "If you got married, would you quit?"

And a soprano (who finally started listening) says, "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?"

"NO! I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED! Gosh, that's the last thing I need going around town!" You see, we live in a very small town, and rumors spread like wildfire.

And then the soprano says, "Oh... Are you dating someone?"

"No! What the heck? I just want to talk to you guys about the music!"

Who taught these kids how to listen? Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny. The only time they pay attention is when I make a total fool of myself. I've turned my hand into a puppet and told them that since it's the only one that listens, whenever I talk to it, they'll know they've driven me to insanity! It actually works... in high school! Weird... I just try to remember that I was where they are just five years ago... Even if this was never the answer to the "Where do you see yourself in five years?" question...

WTF

2006-09-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on Myspace 9/11/2006)

Okay, so, for those of you who didn't know, I am now a teacher. It's fun, I love teaching. I love students. I love having an office and two classrooms. I love picking music and telling people what to do. I HATE principals.

Okay, fine, I don't hate principals. In fact, as people, I quite like most of them. But I have a phobia of principals and their offices. It's a deep-seeded phobia, planted before I ever even went to school. In every movie, principals are scary. All my sibling hated principals. When I finally got to school, no principal really ever had a chance. Well, that may not be entirely true. If it hadn't been for one principal chasing me and my mom with a snow shovel, I would have maybe been alright. (Said principal is no longer a principal, and now I like him fine, since his face rarely get a frightening shade of puce anymore.)

Then there was middle school. I wasn't the only person afraid of Mrs. Dalton. I can say that she got much more likeable after she retired, but before that I even avoided her at church where I had the protection of parental units.

In high school, all my principals were quite nice, but I rarely saw them during school. That's always a plus.

Frankly, I never saw the inside of a principal's office until I started teaching. That's right... Miss Rawlinson, three weeks on the job, and I've already been to the principal's office twice. Why? you may ask. I guess I got a lot better at rustling feathers while I was in college is all I can think of. But I like me. I'd way rather be the me I am than some submissive little brown-noser like I was. Don't get me wrong, I still brown-nose, just not consistently. And almost never to this principal. But what am I supposed to do? The only times the principal could ever see me have been when I've been in trouble (but according to him, not "in trouble", but "in need of educating about the public education system"). I've tried to see him other times, and he never has time, but as soon as I do something I could have asked him about if he'd had time to see me before, I get in trouble and HE calls ME to the office. What the shiz? Just take the time to talk to me the first time, and save yourself some darn time later, you sports fanatic.

Okay, that was somewhat unfair, cuz he's trying, but freaking A, give me a break. Okay, that's all. A small rant on work.

CRAZY! Get your CRAZY here!!!

2004-07-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 7/21/04

Well, I’ve noticed traffic in our lovely little community has gone down quite a bit. I’ve become somewhat of a hermit of late. I’m well aware that I was probably not missed because I blended in with the hordes of other hermits so well, but please let me keep my illusion that I am loved on this site.

I am just here at work, wondering when I’m going to get enough gumption to actually quit. I’ve been working here at the homeless shelter for over a year now, and it’s killing me. At first it was fun and interesting. Now it’s tiring and annoying. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of people who can’t take care of themselves. I’ve become bitter. And what’s worse is that I spend so much time thinking about work, everything now relates back to it.

I got an email saying that an apple is more effective at making a person feel more awake than coffee is. All I could think about was what all the homeless people would do if the coffee jug were to be replaced by a bowl of apples in the morning. They would literally kill for their coffee… That is, if they could stay awake long enough to find an effective weapon without having had their caffeine fix. When all along, they could just eat their apples, find a nice dull butter knife, and continue on their merry way. Fools.

I frequently hang out with my friend Gwen, watching Court T.V. because that is her channel of choice, and all I can think about while viewing stories about murderers and psychos and various assorted crazy people is, “Hey, I know people who act like that. I know people who show those signs… In fact, I’m pretty sure that guy has stayed at the shelter at some point… Hmm… I guess I ought to be glad I’m not dead…”

I actually had a guy freak out on me because he forgot to buy cigarettes, and I wouldn’t let him break the rules to get some… And where, in that sentence, does one figure that everything is my fault? Somewhere between crazy and denial, I’m quite sure.

No, but in all seriousness, they say CRAZY’s not contagious, but I’m pretty sure I’ve caught some. Yep, I’ve definitely got a serious case of CRAZY, and if you don’t watch out, you might catch it, too.

Note: I stayed at this job for another 14 months after I wrote this... Glutton for punishment.

What Are You Waiting For?

2004-04-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 4/19/2004, and to quote Hagrid, "It was dark times, Harry, dark times." :0p)

People like to say, “I can’t wait.” It was once one of my favorite things to say. As a baby I’m pretty sure I thought, I can’t wait for my mom to feed me. I can’t wait ’til these crazy ladies stop passing me around. I can’t wait ’til I can sit up, crawl, talk, walk.

As I child I thought, I can’t wait ’til school gets out so I can go play. I can’t wait ’til mom and dad get home; what is wrong with this babysitter? I can’t wait until my next birthday. Yeah! I can’t wait until I know everything.

In my early teen years, it was, I can’t wait ’til someone notices me. I can’t wait to go to my first dance. I can’t wait for my first niece to be born.
Then it was stuff like, I can’t wait to go on my first date… perform this play… graduate from High School…

All of these things have come to pass, yet I’m still waiting. Why?

Now I think stuff like, I can’t wait ’til this semester is over… to find someone… I can’t wait until summer… until I make enough money to actually do something fun and worth while… to have kids…

But the truth of the matter is, I have to wait. There is no can or can’t, there is only endure. There are some things I can do. But mostly I can just wait. And this is bad, because, as I said before, I am sick of waiting. I’m tired, I’m bored, and I’m burnt out.

This year has been the worst year of my life. Curses! And it’s not that everything that has been happening to me is bad, it’s that I feel bad about everything that happens to me. Why is that? I used to be so resilient. Now I’m succumbent. That needs to stop.

I guess since I’m stuck waiting, I should decide to start to like it. Perhaps waiting will only make me stronger. Yeah. I’ll just keep telling myself that. Waiting is good. It builds your resistence. It makes you tolerant and patient. Waiting makes you happy!!! See, I’m happy, I used exclamation marks!!! This is actually kind of convincing. Okay, I’ll be on my happy way then!

What am I waiting for?

Saying Goodbye

2004-03-17T22:42:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 3/17/2004)

I have been sitting in this computer lab for the last ten minutes staring at the main page of sixmilevillage.com. I felt an incredible urge to write, and I suppressed it as long as I could. People across the table from me began to give me strange looks. I hadn’t moved at all, except for to blink or smooth my hair. I hadn’t touched the keyboard or mouse that rest in front of me.

I just had a terrible voice lesson. My teacher pissed me off, and I’m still on the verge of ripping his head off, which is why I’m not in class right now. He also happens to conduct choir.

But the thing that brought me to the point of needing to write something was triggered when I read Wendy’s writing about Anson. Although I didn’t know Anson, I still cried when I read about his murder. I’m the type of person who cries at a sad story. I can’t help it. I weep with those that weep, even if I don’t know who is weeping or why.

I recently lost the best friend I’ve ever had. The one person who knows everything about me. The person from whom I’ve kept nothing. The first boy I ever loved, the first guy to break my heart, and the first person to completely break my shell. And now he is gone. And the worst part of it is that he’s not dead. Not his body, anyway. The spirit of him, his true self, died some time ago. I’m not sure exactly when.

At some point, he turned into the person who would lie to me about where he was last night, turn things on me and make me feel like a horrible person, lie to my family, his friends, his family... steal my car. A person who would try to tell me that he lied for my own good, lie to himself about the things he had done, and then thank me from the bottom of his heart for being his friend.

And what did I do? I let him go. I had to. He was killing me. He was dragging me down. I was lost. I didn’t realize that the person I thought was my best friend would be the one person whose attack would be most effective. I suppose it makes sense, though. Once I finally let someone inside the fortress, he broke it down. Broke me. And then he ran away. Because he knew exactly what he had done. He knew precisely whom he had made his foe. And a formidable foe she is. For now the weak spots have been rebuilt, and the walls of the fortress are higher than ever. Walls of anger, barricades of pain.

And yet, somewhere inside this fortress there is still the little girl who chased him out of her backyard, found him asleep underneath her kitchen table when his parents thought he had been kidnapped, defended him against bullies from preschool to college.

In the highest tower, there is a teenager who told him he was a fool for being heart broken over his first girlfriend, laughed when he said his first swearword, scolded him when he took his first drink, and told him again that he was a fool--this time for being broken-hearted about his first boyfriend.

And somewhere, past hidden passages, drifting doorways, and ancient crypts, locked away in the deepest dungeon, lies the young woman who dreamed of his happiness, hoped for his future, treated him like a brother, and will love him to the end.

A Ponderance of Stupendous Proportions

2004-03-10T22:12:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 3/10/04)

I’ve been pondering for a very long time upon a statement I said in a fit of annoyance a while back. After hearing news of many people who were coupling up, I turned to my friend and said, “I guess it’s easier for stupid people to fall in love.” And now I’m here to say that statement is true.

Granted, not everyone who is stupid is in love, and not everyone who is or has been in love is stupid. If that were true, then the world would be full of stupid people… wait a second…
No, but in all seriousness, I believe that’s true. Stupid people have an easier time going with their instincts about someone. They’ll meet someone, hang out, have fun, and then--fwah-BANG!, they’re in love.

Smart people will analyze every aspect of their relationships, and this goes doubly for girls because we’re natural worriers. A smart person thinks: Well, he/she talks to me, smiles at me, and makes me laugh. But what if they just want to be friends? What if I just want to be friends? Because if we ever dated, then it would be weird if we ever broke up. We couldn’t be friends.

What if he/she is thinking that I like him/her? What if he/she thinks that I think that he/she thinks that I like him/her? What if he/she thinks that I think that he/she thinks that I think that he/she thinks that I think that he/she likes me? But odds are, if I take the square root of the hypoteneuse with the cosine and the tangent of the three-sided geometric divided by the circumference of his/her heart, that I’ll end up in a love triangle. Maybe I shouldn’t love him/her, and just save me the trouble.

Thus begins the love struggle of a smart person. Smart people have a hard time taking a chance because smart people sit and weigh the consequences. “I’m less likely to get hurt if I don’t risk it at all.” But without the risk, there is no joy. Without the heart ache comes no exuberance. Okay, there might be a little.

It’s almost as if stupid people have a silent agreement that when they meet another stupid person, they’ll fall in love. “Oh, you failed science, too? Let’s get married and have stupid children that will fail high school, cuz we’re too dumb to help them!” What is that? Leave each other alone! Get out of the gene pool! Don’t make me come in there!

Meanwhile, there are billions of smart people who never get married or have kids, simply because they make themselves too afraid to try. So we never get any smart kids. Slowly, the world is becoming dumber and dumber, and it’s all because smart people are too stupid to give love a chance.

So all you smart people, go on some dates, put on a swimming suit, and come on in, the water’s fine!!! People with an IQ under 100 must be accompanied by an adult.

Working Girl... of Sorts

2004-02-18T22:16:00.000-08:00

(originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 2/18/04)

I was getting ready for school this morning at work when it started again. “Wow, your hair sure is pretty. How do you get it so shiny?” a sixty-five year old man asks.
“I really don’t know,” I reply. Honest to goodness, I didn’t used to be so immune to compliments. It all started last June, when I started work at the local homeless shelter.

My first real problem was that the lady who was training me had it in for me. She wanted me dead. She hired a private detective to find out where I would be each hour of the day. Then she began stalking me. She bugged my phone, she put video cameras in my house, and she bribed my roommates to spy on me. Okay, she didn’t really do any of those things. She just wanted my job. (Can you blame me for wanting to spice the story up a little?)

Anyway, work was pretty easy at first. We had great clients during the summer. One that I like to call Grant was very sweet. He did anything he was asked, he always followed the rules, and he gave me a present when he left. Not that I need to be bought. It was a sentimental gift. Actually, it was a doll that reminded him of me.

Probably one of my biggest problems was a young man we’ll call Leo. Leo found it enjoyable to spout out poetry at the dinner table about how my hair was like “angel fire” and my eyes were like the “deep blue sea under a cloudy sky”. His second day in the shelter he came to my office and asked me if I wanted to run off and get married. When I turned him down, he persisted with, “Do you just want to run off?” He complimented my hair, my clothes, my eyes, my face, my skin… He said how he loved the little mole on the side of my nose. He thought it was sexy. He very much succeeded in making me blush, but after explaining to him several times that I’m just a girl trying to work my way through college and I didn’t need a distraction at work, it just became annoying. Leo became a perpetual thorn in my side until he left.

Then there was Steve. That’s just what I’ll call him. Steve liked to tell me his pot-smoking stories and always asked me why I didn’t share my drugs with him. You see, I have a slight problem with my pupils: they’re always dilated more than they should be. He took this to be a sign of drug use and would say, “Look at them eyes! Where you keeping your stash? Just tell me!” He tossed in his fair share of proposals.

And then there’s the one I call Mark. Every time his wife called, she was snippity with me. It turns out she thought we were having an affair. You see, she left him to live with two other men, so when he decided to go across the country on a road trip, she became understandably jealous. She asked him if we were sleeping together. I heard her because she was yelling. “Yeah,” he said. I hit him on the arm. “No,” he said, “but I wish we were.”

Sadly, this was not the end. A few months ago, a young man I’ll nick name Jack came to the shelter. He talked to me for a few minutes, I gave him a cup of coffee and some food, and he left. Then he came back to stay. He confessed his undying love for me and told me how he had dreamed about me all night and how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and he knew that I was the one that God had sent to this earth for him. Well, I like to think I have a pretty good relationship with God, and he told me no such thing. During the course of his stay, Jack wrote me three poems, one of which he turned into a song and performed for me. Finally he realized his wooing was amounting to nothing but a lot of heart ache for him, and he took his leave. But not until he wrote me a heart-breaking farewell love letter.

Now, it may seem like I am a cold-hearted beast, and maybe I am, but can you blame me?

Although, I do have to say that hearing a man that asked if he could have a bottom bunk because he’s afraid of heights ask, “Do you want me to get a ladder and change that lightbulb, pretty lady?” is highly rewarding.

And it gives me warm fuzzies to hear an Irish bloke who was drunk on the street a few days ago say, “Thanks for the apple juice, Love!”

And nothing makes me feel better at 7 a.m., after only four hours of sleep and twenty minutes of get ready time, than hearing a man who woke me up at two in the morning to ask for pain killers say, “Damn! You look fine!!!”

Sealed for Your Protection

2004-02-13T22:22:00.000-08:00

Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 2/13/04)

I was in the ELC today when I was suddenly struck by the urgent need to use the restroom. I think this may have had something to do with the four glasses of water I drank at breakfast, but who really knows, it could be anything. As I rushed… err… walked calmly to the stall, I did my usual “pre-pee” examination of it.
No liquid on the seat… check!
No puddles on the floor… check!
No visible absorbent items aside from toilet paper… check!

Wait, what’s this? There is a sticker on the toilet paper dispenser that states, “sealed for your own protection”. Although I shudder to think where the sticker came from and how it ended up in the bathroom, it sends my imagination into a flurry to see this common sticker in such an uncommon place.

Now, you would expect to see it if you were opening an item of food or medicine or such things, but what if we could use this sticker in every day life?

If these stickers magically appeared when needed, it could save a lot of us from major distress.

What if there was a terrorist who went to the airport to board a flight, but as soon as he got throught one set of double doors, the airport was covered with “Sealed for your protection” stickers, so he couldn’t possibly get in or out of that little space between two sets of double doors?

Or say one day a toilet in the Library was going to explode. How fabulous would it be if a huge “Sealed for your protection” sticker appeared on the restroom door before it happened, sealing the door and saving hundreds upon thousands of books from rancid destruction and a plethora of SUU students from utter stench?

Or how about on the days when I wake up and I am ornery and prone to ripping people’s egos to shreds and saying things I’ll regret later, a lovely little sticker zips my lips shut and kindly says to every one, “SEALED FOR YOUR PROTECTION!!!”?

Confessions of a "Sweet" 19-Year-Old

2004-02-09T22:26:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 2/9/04)

Lately, as I go about town in my regular errands and everyday disturbances, my annoyance grows higher and higher. There are pink and red hearts everywhere. There are commercials on T.V. for diamonds and candies and, “Hey, why not buy your sweetheart everything in our electronics department, she’ll love it, or you get a 2% refund.” Bleck.
You would think that as a nineteen-year-old girl, I would be excited about the week of Valentine’s Day. But I’m not. I used to be.

Every year I had some fantasy about some knight in shining armor on a pretty black horse riding into the school and sweeping me up into his arms, and we would ride away to Scotland where he had a fabulous castle--with major technological advancements, of course.

As the years passed, he became a rich performing artist; then a handsome and mysterious semi-famous author; then the captain of the football team; then the star of the school play; then the computer geek who helped me with my homework. Each year as Valentine’s Day passed, I was still, as ever, alone.

And this was not only tradition on Valentine’s day, but on Christmas, Easter, the 4th of July, St. Patrick’s Day, Halloween; okay, so every day of every year of my life.

I’m confessing: I have never been kissed. And every time the “First Kiss” conversation comes up, I just sit there quietly. What am I supposed to say? Finally it comes around to me, and I say, “Well, there isn’t anything for me to tell in this department…”

As the term “Virgin Lips” or “VL” (dumbest phrase of all time) circles slowly around the table, I sit there, as bored as ever. “REALLY?” every one says, less a question than a statement of shock and astonishment. “Really.” I reply.
They look at me as if I am Rachel, the Goddess of Self Control. Really I’m Rachel, Goddess of the Lonely of Heart.