(Originally posted on sixmilevillage.com 4/19/2004, and to quote Hagrid, "It was dark times, Harry, dark times." :0p)
People like to say, “I can’t wait.” It was once one of my favorite things to say. As a baby I’m pretty sure I thought, I can’t wait for my mom to feed me. I can’t wait ’til these crazy ladies stop passing me around. I can’t wait ’til I can sit up, crawl, talk, walk.
As I child I thought, I can’t wait ’til school gets out so I can go play. I can’t wait ’til mom and dad get home; what is wrong with this babysitter? I can’t wait until my next birthday. Yeah! I can’t wait until I know everything.
In my early teen years, it was, I can’t wait ’til someone notices me. I can’t wait to go to my first dance. I can’t wait for my first niece to be born.
Then it was stuff like, I can’t wait to go on my first date… perform this play… graduate from High School…
All of these things have come to pass, yet I’m still waiting. Why?
Now I think stuff like, I can’t wait ’til this semester is over… to find someone… I can’t wait until summer… until I make enough money to actually do something fun and worth while… to have kids…
But the truth of the matter is, I have to wait. There is no can or can’t, there is only endure. There are some things I can do. But mostly I can just wait. And this is bad, because, as I said before, I am sick of waiting. I’m tired, I’m bored, and I’m burnt out.
This year has been the worst year of my life. Curses! And it’s not that everything that has been happening to me is bad, it’s that I feel bad about everything that happens to me. Why is that? I used to be so resilient. Now I’m succumbent. That needs to stop.
I guess since I’m stuck waiting, I should decide to start to like it. Perhaps waiting will only make me stronger. Yeah. I’ll just keep telling myself that. Waiting is good. It builds your resistence. It makes you tolerant and patient. Waiting makes you happy!!! See, I’m happy, I used exclamation marks!!! This is actually kind of convincing. Okay, I’ll be on my happy way then!
What am I waiting for?
